The truth is that losing a pet is one of life’s most painful experiences. Not only are pets there through thick and thin, but they also provide unconditional love and support that can brighten any difficult day.
Unfortunately, pets don’t live as long as humans. This painful reality is one that all pet owners must face at some point during their lives. And it can feel more than heartbreaking.
When we lose a pet, it feels as if there is no light at the end of the tunnel. We are consumed with an overwhelming feeling of sadness. As a result, we slip into a funk of anger, fear and sorrow.
But it does get better. It just takes time.
If you are facing the loss of a pet, consider these six guidelines developed by others who have dealt with similar losses. It hurts, but you can and will find joy and happiness again. Just remember that you are not alone.
Look for other “pet people.”
When it comes to losing a pet, some people get it -- and some don’t. In truth, there’s nothing more painful than trying to discuss the loss of a fur baby with a non-pet person. They don’t understand. And they don’t know what to say.
That’s where finding other “pet people” comes into play. If you’re going to open up about your grief, find someone who loves pets as much as you do. After all, you deserve to be able to discuss your feelings in an environment filled with love and support.
Try to find a friend who has been there and experienced exactly what you’re going through. And if you can’t find anyone you feel comfortable opening up to, consider talking to someone who specializes in this type of grief.
The University of Illinois has an excellent pet loss support hotline. In addition, the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement (APLB) offers chat rooms where you can connect with others who have lost pets.
So don’t be afraid to ask for advice. In truth, that one special thing you need to hear may be waiting in the wings. Just remember not to give out any personal information to those you meet in chat rooms. Keep the connection limited to a monitored environment.
Limit reminiscing to the good times.
It’s easy to get stuck on thoughts of sickness and the moment of your pet’s death. But what good does that do? It only makes the situation tougher to deal with.
To combat this, try to remember the good times. This is the greatest gift you can give yourself. That’s because when you change your focus from loss to love, the road to recovery gets easier.
You can do this by making an effort to focus on the love you had (and still have) for your pet. When your mind wanders to thoughts of death, think about the good times. Recall happy situations like playing in the yard with your beloved dog or watching television with your cuddly (and sometimes crabby) kitty. This will take your mind to a more peaceful place.
At the end of the day, grieving in a healthy manner is a choice. Your pet wouldn’t want you to think about that painful moment of death or the sickness that took place at the end of his or her life. He or she would want you to think about the love you both shared.
Feel the pain.
We all want to escape the pain of loss, but it’s important to take the time to grieve. Grief is a natural process that we all must go through. It’s the gateway to healing and being able to move on.
But how do you do this?
The answer lies in a concept called mindfulness. That’s the act of being in the present moment. It’s the conscious effort to feel in order to heal.
“The only way to completely heal and move on is to fully embrace the pain by letting it arise and pass,” says Dr. William R. Marchand, a psychiatrist, author and mindfulness teacher in Salt Lake City. “Through this, we can see the beauty of both love and loss. We could not experience love without the reality of impermanence – and we cannot fully understand impermanence without the pain of love lost.”
To be mindful in the face of death, try to be present with the pain. Don’t shove it under the rug. This will only prolong the process of grief itself. Let yourself cry and mourn. This is a healthy thing. It’s the only way to allow your feelings to arise and then pass.
Commemorate your pet.
We remember humans who have died by commemorating them. It’s important to do this with pets, too.
The first way to commemorate your pet is to ask your vet get a fur clipping or take one yourself. Then keep it in a plastic bag in a safe place. As hard as this feels in the face of loss, this memento will allow you to remember just what your pet’s fur felt like years down the road.
The second way to remember your pet is to obtain a clay paw print. Your vet can do this, or you can order a kit online. Consider making your paw print into an ornament to hang on your tree during the holidays. This will remind you just how much you loved your furry friend.
Further, if you’ve chosen cremation, create a space in your house that is dedicated to remembering your pet. You can add pictures to personalize your memorial.
In addition, it can be helpful to create a memory journal. Print off pictures of your beloved pet and make a scrapbook. Then write down favorite recollections about your fur baby to be used as captions.
Read books on pet loss.
Self-help books can be extremely helpful when it comes to dealing with the loss of a pet. Veterinary Wisdom for Pet Parents offers a free e-book called The Death of Your Beloved Pet. The site also provides a handy list of recommended reads for both children and adults.