But how are these changes REALLY affecting him? In other words, what are the pros and cons of being an older man?
To find out, we decided to talk to 10 men “of a certain age.” And boy, did they dish.
The Pros
Your guy finally knows who he is.
Midlife crisis is an age-old buzz term. But our guys seem to have the polar opposite attitude. In fact, they’ll tell you they know exactly who they are. And they’re 100 percent fine with it.
“You just don’t care a whole lot what anybody thinks of you, says Ed Estlow, 60. “You’re not here anymore to be what somebody else thinks you should be.”
This means he knows how to separate life’s trivial moments from the real deal.
“Things like driving the coolest car, hanging with the ‘right’ people, wearing the most stylish clothing and picking up women at a singles bar are no longer on the priority list,” says Rick Owens, 50. “I don’t have to deal with all the drama that goes on when one is younger.”
With this comes a freeing discovery. That’s the ability to live life on his terms.
“In truth, you can now own yourself,” says Jason Barker, 44. “You can do ‘YOU.’ Plain and simple.”
He has life experience.
In the life of an older man, experience is a given. He knows he’s lived through much more than most of his younger counterparts. And he’s proud of it.
“I’ve seen a guy walk on the moon. I’ve seen a president get shot. I’ve seen Secretariat race. I’ve seen the Internet start and grow,” Estlow says.
For many men, this means career success. He finds comfort in knowing he’s at the top of the “food chain.”
“I am more comfortable and at ease because the demand for my services is always far greater than the supply, which is not the case when you are young and just starting out,” says Bob Bly, 58.
Your guy also knows that his work ethic is different from those in younger generations. That said, he’s just fine with it.
“I look back on my career when I was younger, and I see very few people willing to do what I did,” says Dean Nielsen, 42. “I think that young people today have different priorities. It’s not necessarily working all the time. It’s just a different set of values. Society is changing and putting more value on things outside of work.”
He knows what you like in bed.
In his 20s, the 10-second rule applied. Fast forward a couple of decades and he knows just what YOU want.
“I’m all about making my spouse happy,” Barker says. “It comes down to finding the meld between your likes and their likes -- and making it seem effortless so that it brings you together in the moment.”
Part of that is his new-found ability to slow down. The race isn’t about speed – rather, stamina.
“As we age, we are in no hurry to get to the main event. That’s because we now know it’s not going anywhere -- and that getting there is half the fun,” says Mike Hummel, 40.
Trial and error appear to play a major role in this concept. He has an instinct he didn’t have as a younger man.
“We have experienced all kinds of different situations and can adapt until we find the perfect combination that unlocks that one mind-blowing experience we hope she will never forget,” Hummel says.
And don’t believe the rumors that his sex drive is kaput. In fact, it’s more alive than ever.
“I’ve never understood the myth that sex drive decreases as you get older. My sex drive is as good as it has always been. Everything still functions as it’s supposed to,” says Scott Moon, 45.
He’s more patient.
As your guy ages, his perspective changes. This gives him an entirely new type of patience.
“Most stuff doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. So being impatient about stuff just doesn’t seem to pay off,” says Art Remnet, 53. “Patience becomes easier because you realize this.”
With this comes a powerful understanding about control -- and the lack thereof. He knows he can’t fix everything.
“One of the greatest revelations for me is that you learn that you can only really change yourself,” Remnet says. “You recognize that you are not going to be able to change the situation or people. So either you deal with it or you get it out of your life.”
Family plays a major role in this realization as well. In fact, it just might be the defining factor when it comes to all-things-patience.
“I learned patience because I got married. And then it wasn’t all about me,” says Kelvin Parker, 51. “You have to learn to take into account where everybody else is coming from and how they are seeing the world.”
The result of this powerful middle-aged perspective is tolerance. He’s learned how to live in harmony and unison.
“The big thing is you have to manage your expectations and have extreme amounts of tolerance for everything the world throws at you,” Parker says.
The Cons
He’s come face to face with his own mortality.
One of the toughest parts of aging for men is the struggle with mortality. Your guy knows he’s over the hill, and that scares him. Interestingly, 50 seems to be the new 40 when it comes to this realization.
“I was cool turning 30 and 40, but 50 was somewhat different,” Owens says. “Physically, I pretty much felt the same as I did when I turned 40. I guess it was just the idea I was halfway to 100.”
This fear may intensify as his 50s come to a close. It’s then that he comes face to face with the truth about aging.
“I am almost 60. If I live to be 80, my life is three-quarters over as of now. That is upsetting to me,” says Bly. “When I was 57, I felt I could still say ‘I’m in my mid-fifties.’ When you’re 58, you’re almost 60 -- and that sounds old to me.”
The bottom line structure of the workplace really annoys him.
The man in your life knows the workplace isn’t always fair. That said, he misses the simple respect associated with age.
“It seems these [new] graduates feel they know more than someone who has worked in a particular field for years,” Barker says. “Unfortunately, many employers will hire these guys at half the pay rate as someone with vast years of experience.”
Some will tell you this realization isn’t new. In fact, they learned about corporate structure years ago.
“I learned in my twenties, watching my dad get the ‘golden handshake’ in his mid-fifties, that it’s all about value,” Remnet says. “You can’t count on companies to do what you think is the right thing or to be loyal to you because that kind of loyalty rarely exists anymore.”
His body isn’t quite what it used to be.
Don’t think those little aches and pains go unnoticed. Your man is very aware of the fact that his body is changing.
“I can definitely tell my body's circulatory system and circadian rhythms are different,” Barker says. “Joints ache more and injuries take longer to heal. The stress and fatigue are actually factors I never imagined before. And yes, men do hate wrinkles too!”
With this comes the understanding that he needs to keep an eye on his health. In fact, he no longer takes it for granted.
“Even if you eat healthy and exercise a lot, the older you get, the more frequently you have health problems,” Bly says. “Anyone can wake up at any time and have a mark or a pain or a bump that turns out to be your death. The chances are greater when you are older."
The world has changed -- and he has to adapt to it.
Your guy definitely knows the world is changing. The questions is: How easily can he adapt?
“A lot of folks expect the world to be like it was 20 years ago,” Remnet says. “Some people think that the way they understand it is the way that it is, when, in fact, the world continues to evolve. And probably at a faster rate than it ever has.”
This creates a longing for the good old days. He misses being needed -- and giving advice.
“Before Google and YouTube, people would seek you out for advice and direction. And now they don’t do that,” Moon says. “That’s kind of disappointing. It’s always nice to be thanked and praised for your knowledge and help.”