Sexless weeks turn into sexless months. It soon becomes apparent that your sex life is on hiatus with no sign of return. No matter what you do, you just can’t seem to find that spark. And you’re too embarrassed to tell anyone.
“Is something wrong with me?” you think.
Sex drive -- it’s something that soars in our twenties and thirties. But as we age, our natural desire for sex often declines. This lack of interest can put a massive strain on relationships and self-esteem.
If you find that you’re experiencing these issues, you’re definitely not alone. Low sex drive is a common thing. In fact, the North American Menopause Society (NAMS) says that women are two to three times more likely to experience a decline in sexual interest than men. This is particularly true in our late forties and fifties.
The good news is that there are simple solutions to these issues. Check out these five common causes of low sex drive -- and just what to do about it.
1. Menopause
THE CAUSE: Menopause is a fact of life. And unfortunately, it can come with a number of sex-busting side effects. Falling estrogen levels can fuel uncomfortable hot flashes, night sweats, and a lack of vaginal lubrication. This can make sex both painful and unappealing.
THE CURE: That said, there are a number of things you can do to combat this. The first is to actually have sex. That’s because sex keeps you fit “down there.” “Without sexual activity, the vagina can become smaller and uncomfortably tighter,” Dr. Margery Gass tells Everyday Health.
So try to schedule sex, even if you don’t feel like it. Make it a high priority appointment. And whatever you do, do not cancel.
In addition, lubricants can help with vaginal dryness. Just be sure to choose a water-based lubricant. Oil-based lubricants can damage latex condoms and irritate the vagina. You can also try a vaginal moisturizer, which may keep the vagina lubricated for several days.
Estrogen therapy is also an option to treat symptoms of menopause. Not only can it help with lubrication issues, it is also thought to reverse the thinning of vaginal tissues. In addition, estrogen therapy can help to control hot flashes and night sweats.
2. Antidepressants
THE CAUSE: It’s no secret that antidepressants can cause sexual side effects. In fact, Health after 50 reports that 30 to 70 percent of those taking antidepressants experience sexual side effects. This can cause erectile dysfunction in men and changes in sensation and the ability to naturally lubricate in women.
THE CURE: The good news is that there are medications with few known sexual side effects. Experts say that Wellbtutrin, Remeron, and Cymbalta are viable options. In addition, ask your doctor if the time you take your medication affects sex drive. And if you can’t take one of these medications, talk to your healthcare provider about adding medications that can help to rekindle an interest in sex.
3. Body Image Issues
THE CAUSE: It’s tough to feel comfortable about intimacy when you’re struggling with body image issues. This is why women who suffer from poor body image often avoid sex.
THE CURE: To change this, you’ve got to change how you see yourself. This means making an effort to fall in love with your body, flaws and all. No one’s perfect, and this extends to physical appearance.
One of the first places to make a change is to notice how you talk to yourself. Look for patterns of negative self-talk when it comes to body image. Then replace those thoughts with positive self-talk. Talk to yourself as you would want someone you love to talk to you.
Finally, take the time to make yourself feel sexy. When we feel drab, it’s easier to beat ourselves up mentally. Put on a sexy outfit and make it a point to find the positives of the moment. If nothing fits, go shopping with an encouraging friend who will help to build your self-esteem.
4. Diabetes
THE CAUSE: Diabetes is a serious disease that affects more than 29 million Americans. That’s over nine percent of the population. Not only does diabetes elevate the risk of a number of life-threatening health conditions, it can also take a toll on your sex drive.
One of the reasons that diabetes affects sex drive may be that the disease restricts blood flow in general. “Diabetes complications may make it difficult for blood to move to the vagina and clitoris, says Janis Roszler, RD, CDE, LDN, a certified diabetes educator and author of the book Sex and Diabetes: For Him and for Her, in an article published in Diabetes Forecast.
THE CURE: Experts say that one method of treating this issue is to use a clitoral pump to increase blood flow to the area. In addition, it’s important to use lubrication during sex. That’s because a lack of lubrication is one of the most commonly reported problems amongst women with diabetes. And take the recommended steps to manage diabetes in general. The healthier you get, the healthier your sex life will be.
5. Exhaustion
THE CAUSE: When you’re tired, sex takes a backseat to exhaustion. Unfortunately, this can take a toll on intimacy in relationships.
THE CURE: According to the National Sleep Foundation, one out of four people reports that they’re too tired to engage in sexual actions. To combat this, it’s important to make your lifestyle conducive to sleep. Refrain from caffeine during evening hours. And make your bedroom a place in which you only have sex or sleep. This mental conditioning helps to train the mind in terms of what the bedroom is actually for.
In addition, consider scheduling sex. Sure, this sounds grueling and unsexy, but it can help. If you know you won’t be tired on a Saturday night, plan for a babysitter so that you and your spouse or significant other can have time alone. This makes sex a priority appointment that won’t be overlooked.